With the recent loss of my comrade-in-arms, Owen, I am now the only person I know who does not own a cell phone. This puts me in a very precarious position, since I feel as if I'm being hunted. I know that I sound a bit paranoid, but cell phones are fricking after me.
In honor of this momentous occasion, I'd like to quote a
famous author:Proverbs for Paranoids1: You may never get to touch the Master, but you can tickle his creatures.
2: The innocence of the creatures is in inverse proportion to the immorality of the Master.
3: If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don’t have to worry about answers.
4:
You hide, they seek.
5: Paranoids are not paranoids because they’re paranoid, but because they keep putting themselves, fucking idiots, deliberately into paranoid situations.
Many of you know that, twice a week, I lifeguard for some extra cash at the Solon Community Center. It is, quite frankly, probably the worst job I have ever had. The "work" is completely boring, the center is understaffed with guards, and my position also sort of doubles as a mini cleaning crew. Shit job, shit pay, what can I expect.
Yet the aforementioned problems don't bother me half as much as the behavior of the "patrons" at the facility. Solon is a pretty well off suburb, and as such, is populated with many holier-than-thou self righteous types, who insist on having everything their way. Needless to say, it gets very annoying very quickly.
My favorite though, is watching these people "work out" in the pool. The order of a typical Solon workout is something like this:
1 - Sit in the hot tub for 3 to 5 minutes, "warming up"
2 - Swim between 200 and 500 yards (approx. 10 minutes of work)
3 - Walk with the current in our current stream, to "stretch out the legs"
4 - Hop back in the hot tub for 5 - 10 minutes to recover
And that's it. These people have got to be disillusioned if they think they'll be getting any benefit from this exercise. They can hardly raise their heart rate over 120 doing all that. It's sad that people can think they're working really hard, but really they're just lying to themselves.
Kind of like
Barry Bonds, the king of all assholes. Seriously, MLB should just skip the asterisk and put down "Big Fucking Liar" next to his name in the record books. I love it how he blames racism on this "issue", when the very record he is trying to beat was set by a black guy, Hank Aaron.
Barry, I hope your knees give out somewhere between home plate and first base the very next time you're intentionally walked. Jackass.
In one of my previous posts, I promised more games. Here they come:
This one is all about balancing. It's a bit weird. Watch out for the birds.This is a game about etiquette... sort of.This game decodes that secret interplay between the genders.Give this game a bit of time, it's really quite genius.Send me any cool games that you found online, and I'll put them up for all my 4,500 fans... hahaaa.
Also, I wanted to post a question on this, um, post. If you could chose one 80's or early 90's rap group to resurrect and give a second life to, which would it be?
Ok, so that last picture of Lupie was a big joke. But hey,
what are best friends for if you can't post
horrible pictures of them on the internet?
So, I purposefully picked out the worst picture I had of her and put it up. On that note,
here's my apology, a tribute to Lupie.
I'm pretty glad that the geography game was a big hit on the site here. Seriously, I enjoy getting posts from folks, as it lets me know that all of my almost 4,000 hits aren't just
Lupie and
Mojo hitting the refresh button.
If that were true (and I'm not one to judge ladies), it would only serve to support my theory that the world is indeed a
sad, sad place. The worst thing about that article is the way the judge talks about those girls, as if they'd actually done something wrong. Wow.
However, the one redeeming thing about these great United States is the inhabitants'
sense of humor. And before you ask, yes, I agree with the author of that article whole-heartedly, though mostly because Michael Phelps is a
Baltimore Ravens fan.
P.S. More games to come...
My sister found
this wonderful little game, and you should all try it. My 1st try was a 92%, with an average margin of error of 12 miles. However, if you're first given a state liek Colorado (in the middle of nowhere), it should be harder.
Enjoy
